In 2009, Julie Kuch was driving to a doctor’s appointment in Salt Lake City when the 30-year-old mom of two suffered a massive stroke. For the next several years, she said she went through the school of hard knocks as she tried to navigate what she calls her new brain.
“I tried to be a version of my old self, which was happy and motivated and excited and showed up to places and I tried to be that person," she said. "And I really tried to hide who the new version was, which was more quiet. I didn't make a lot of noise. I felt overwhelmed a lot. I was depressed. I was very anxious. And I hid in shame.”
She went on to have three more children and it took her several years to be at peace with the challenges caused by the stroke. As she became more committed to the tools needed for recovery, she became a life coach for people with brain injuries. Coincidentally, her second stroke came almost two years ago during a coaching session with a client.
“And my heart just told me you're having another stroke," she said. "And I just knew it right then. I told my client, ‘Listen, I'm not feeling so good.’ And she said, ‘Yeah, you're acting really weird.’ And I don't even know what I said or what I did. But I was trying to pull off being a normal life coach for people with brain injuries as I was suffering from a brain injury, having another massive stroke at her house while I’m trying to coach her.”
This time she knew what to do to navigate her healing and she said a huge part of that was having a lot of compassion and patience with herself when she needed to rest. And that rest led to ongoing recovery and a goal that is beyond most people’s abilities.
Kuch originally signed up for the St. George Marathon in 2020 after her dad passed away from pancreatic cancer but it was canceled due to COVID. Then the following year, she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder and lacked energy so she deferred again. And then in 2022, she had the stroke. In 2023, she knew she had to get out of her slump and training for the marathon was just what she needed for her physical and mental health.
She said the morning of the marathon was dark and cold so she wore an old pair of pajamas over her race clothes that someone had gifted her after her stroke. She said even wearing them made her feel tired and gloomy.
Fifteen minutes before the race, she was warming herself by a campfire when she had the thought to see those jammies burn.
“And I threw them in the fire and they burst into flames instantly," she said. "And I started to cry, just break down bawling; I didn't even know it would have any kind of effect on me. And I was like, ‘goodbye old stroke self. I am running a marathon. I'm running a marathon and I am not lying in bed anymore. And I'm not feeling bad for myself. And I'm not trying to recover and trying to stay away from every single little noise and bright light. I can do this.’ And it was so empowering just to like, burn those jammies down.”
Kuch went on to have an incredible race. She said she hit the wall at mile 17 and her 13-year-old kicked off her shoes, grabbed her hand and pulled her up the hill.
“She was moving my body for me," said Kuch. "She pulled me up the hill and got to the top of the hill and she slapped my bum and said, ‘You got this, Mom.’ It was really adorable. And then at mile 20 I said, ‘I'm not going to stop, I'm not going to walk anymore. I'm just gonna run ‘til I finish this; no more stops.’ And I did and I just ran from miles 20 to 26.2. I ran the whole time and I finished. And I am so proud of myself for getting through the hard stuff and sticking to the marathon and it really made a difference for me.”
Kuch said a brain injury like a stroke or concussion is an invisible injury which makes recovery really difficult. Her advice is to take it slow, listen to what your body needs and to give yourself grace. She said she is a better version of herself than before her brain injuries.
“I really do believe that," she said. "What I learned–the compassion that I have for myself and the other people that go through not just brain injuries, but deep depression and high anxiety. I wouldn't have gotten that had I not had these brain injuries. So, it's changed me for the better. And do I have as much capacity as I did before? No, I don't but that’s not what this is about. This is about loving people and being a better version of ourselves. And I feel like my brain injuries have been the means to get me to this point.”
And her hope? To empower others to overcome their hardships and see their own jammies burn.
